well, it's stupid. one kid was talking about traffic accidents too much and when they are flying out of the solar system, the kid says "Well, this ship is out of the ordinary." No kidding.  The knifehead kaiju shoots ninja stars and laughs when he cuts up space gyaos.  The alien women want to eat brains and Gamera welds a ship back together with his fire breath. just plain stupid 

So, rating wise, i'll say 1.995 out of 5!!!!

It's hard to separate the movie from its treatment at the hands of Mystery Science Theater 3000 ... 

In the end, it doesn't matter much.  Like James said, so much of this film is just plain stupid.  Annoying kids out the wazoo, goofy aliens, tedious dialogue, Cornjob/Corndog, ridiculous confusion between stars and planets, a monster that's among the dumbest looking in film history ... 

I guess Guiron dicing up Gyaos was pretty cool in a goofy gory way.  That's about it. 

I know it's aimed at kids, but I kids aren't dumb.  (Well, most of them aren't).  I don't see how they could like it. 

Gamera vs. Guiron ... if Guiron's the sharpest thing in your film, you're not doing well.  1 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Toho hits again with a multi-monster affair, this time caused by blue glowy things from space.  The titular aliens cause sea creatures to mutate ... giving us three new kaiju for the canon. 

First and most prominently, we see Gezora, a giant cuttlefish (not octopus, as said in our dubbed version).  The betentacled beast shuffles across the island, looking very much like a reject from the '70s Sid and Marty Krofft show, Sigmund and the Sea Monsters. 

The next mutant beast we see is called Ganimes, a kind of crab.  Honestly, the only thing worth remembering Ganimes for is that his eyes get shot out, rather gruesomely. 

Finally, we get Kamoebas, a rock turtle.  Easily the best looking of the three, Kamoebas looks like a battle version of Gamera.  Ganimes and Kamoebas fight, but if you're hoping for a three-way brawl with Gezora, too, you'll be disappointed. 

Human-wise, there's nothing to see here.  Well, Godzilla veteran Akira Kubo's photographer character is pretty cool, but everyone else is straight out of the late '60s monster movie character molds.  Kenji Sahara reappears, though ... Sahara, moreso even than Dr. Serizawa, is the actor who has appeared in the most Godzilla movies.  He gets taken over by the Space Amoeba, too. 

Space Amoeba ... it's OK, I guess.  2.5 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, it was pretty bad, there was a squid that took up half the movie, a cool turtle, a crab that got shot in the eyes, and it all was from a big lump of blue space glitter 

so, rating wise, i'll say 1.998 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness 

Well, this one is almost indescribable. it shoots horns, it comes from a line of rainbow gods, he's Jiger!!! There was worm surgery GROSS! Needle horns STAB! and Gamera goes hardcore and stabs the whistle statue in jiger's face. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 2.5 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

I'll say it up front: this is easily the best of the Gamera series since the first one.  The second (Gamera vs. Barugon) was pretty good, but it got too bogged down on the people side of things. 

What has killed this franchise for me since film three is the bewildering reliance on children as central characters and as heroes to the plot.  The last film, Gamera vs. Guiron, is the worst offender thus far. 

Jiger does the same thing, but the children in question are older than in previous films.  By having the protagonists be young teens, it somehow makes their self-insinuation in these events more acceptable.  It's a small change, but a welcome one.  (They're not shrill, either.  Bonus.) 

Here's the basic plot: in preparation for the 1970 World's Fair in Osaka, workers have uncovered an ancient statue from a Pacific island and brought it to Japan.  Natives call it "Devil's Whistle" and by removing it, the crews have unwittingly unleashed an ancient monster named Jiger.  (The "Whistle" emitted a frequency that kept the beast dormant.) 

Jiger looks like a sort of bear-dog-thing ...  It's a quadruped with a small fin on its back.  It has multiple horns, most of which can be fired like quills powerfully enough to pierce Gamera's limbs.  In its tail, there's an ovipositor which it uses to stab Gamera's shoulder and leave baby Jigers.  It also has a glowing wart or something on its nose that can vaporize a wide area.  Oh, I almost forgot the rockets embedded in its jowls. 

Sounds f-ing ridiculous, huh?  It pretty much is.  For some reason, though, it works for me.  There's a break in the standard Gamera plot formula when the kids go into Gamera's body (a la Fantastic Voyage) to remove the Jiger babies ... it was new enough for me to like it. 

Battle-wise, everything's cool.  Jiger's barbs wreck Gamera's day for a stretch, but in the end, the turtle takes the Devil's Whistle and stabs Jiger through the head with it.  Hardcore, indeed. 

Gamera vs. Jiger ... better than most of the series.  3 out of five atomic breath blasts.

We've seen this before and I remember thinking it was odd.  I read afterward how some of the producers felt that the director, Yoshimitsu Banno, had "ruined Godzilla." I didn't really see how. 

Then we watched it again. 

I still wouldn't go so far as to say Banno "ruined" anything.  He directs like he thinks he's an auteur ... but he's not.  Putting weird stuff on screen for little reason doesn't make you an avant garde filmmaker.   

Look!  A mannequin floating in gunk!  It represents humanity.  Look!  A broken clock floating in the same gunk!  That means we're running out of time.  Here's a trippy music video!  Here's another!  Here's a bunch of people wearing fish masks!  Here's a split-screen scene with dozens of images, including a baby in sewage! 

It's all ... not terribly good.  But that's just the direction.  What about the rest of it? 

Storywise, I think it's fairly solid and in line with much of Godzilla-verse goings-on.  Pollution gets so bad that alien microbes are able to feed on it and form a giant beast to tear stuff up.   

The monster itself, Hedorah, is certainly gross and formidable.  It changes forms as needed and can spray sulfuric acid mist or great globs of it at will. 

The fights between it and Godzilla are good ... I am a bit confused by some of the mannerisms Godzilla exhibits but I love the suit.  The fights get gross(er) when Big G reaches into the nearly dead enemy and pulls out two large balls.  Eyeballs?  Something else?  I don't know.  Anyway, he roasts them and then Hedorah flies away.  G fights H again and this time shreds the thing, flinging bits everywhere before drying them up. 

How does his atomic breath energize the plates instead of destroy them?  What if it rains on the dried up bits of Hedorah?  I dunno. 

Musically speaking, it's my least favorite soundtrack in the series so far.  It makes it all sound and feel stupid, even when there's nothing goofy happening. 

Godzilla vs. Hedorah ... pretty good despite the (attempts at) arty bits and the lousy score.  3 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, there's animation scenes out of nowhere, Godzilla gets thrown into a pit and Hedorah takes a weird megapoop on him, he has some eyeball-like things, and Godzilla goes flying in the dumbest way ever.  A pretty unusual kaiju movie. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 2.345 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!

Well, this is about a lizard crossed with a fish mixed with a shark crossed with a hawk mixed with a alien ship, and mixed with a xylophone, (a.k.a. Zigra) V.S. Gamera, there's a kid advertising Coke, and Gamera graduates from music class.  The people in this movie are so stupid, I said maybe Zigra should rule them. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 2.001 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

After the modest improvement we got in Gamera vs. Jiger, it's back to crappy form for the series.  

The year is 1985, though everything seems like it's still 1971.  Small, shrill children rule the world and inform leaders, scientists and generals how to fight the aliens.  They argue over whose mother is prettiest and whine for a Coke (even though, in the Japanese version, she just asks for juice).  There's hide-and-seek with an alien lackey around Kamogawa Seaworld after a brief struggle in which stuffed animals were the primary weapons. 

It's a kids' movie.  No question.  As I've said before, though, other kids' movies have been able to appeal to adults, too.  This one does not. 

There's so much extraneous stuff, too.  Not just the kids.  For example, the dolphin trainer ... there are entire scenes with him that are utterly pointless, such as his haggling over fish with a hotel manager. 

The alien, Zigra, looks like a bladed shark and possesses hypnotic powers.  He incapacitates Gamera for a stretch, as happens in every movie of his.  Their fight is brief, though Zigra manages to slice up the shell a bit for a game of tic-tac-toe.  Spongebob rules of thermodynamics apply as Gamera shoots his fire breath underwater.  In the end, it is that same fire breath that incinerates Zigra.  Gee, if only Gamera had done that earlier in the film.  It'd be much shorter. 

Gamera vs. Zigra ... it's no wonder the franchise took a nine-year break.  1 out of five atomic breath blasts.

I had a realization watching this movie this time around: the main human characters are the Scooby-Doo gang (minus the dog).  There's Fred, the handsome but often oblivious leader.  There's Shaggy, the stoner hippie who's munching on things.  There's Daphne and Velma, one of whom is smarter than the other; one who happens to know karate (I don't know if Daphne knew karate or not, but I'll stand by this).  Scooby gang, I'm telling you. 

So Fred is a cartoonist who creates monsters for kids (like a homework monster and a strict mother monster).  He gets somehow entangled with a group of alien cockroaches who take the form of recently deceased folks and are trying to create a Godzilla theme park.  Godzilla hears an alien signal tape being played and converses with Anguirus, sending him off to investigate. 

No joke. 

It doesn't get much goofier than Godzilla and Anguirus chatting with one another in these strange, inhaling-while-talking, fifty-year-smoker voices.  Thankfully, these are brief scenes. 

The first third drags as the Scooby gang gets wise to shenanigans by the cockroach aliens, but things get turned up a bit when Ghidorah and Gigan get called in. 

Unfortunately, most of Ghidorah's Tokyo destruction is rehashed footage from earlier films.  They've clumsily turned down the brightness to make it seem like it's night, which is when the Gigan scenes are set.   

(Also being reused?  Many, many bits of score by Akira Ifukube.  It's great to hear again and you can't top Ifukube in these films, but ... c'mon.) 

Eventually, Godzilla and Anguirus come to town and face off against Ghidorah and Gigan.  Their fight is lengthy and enjoyable, but, again, there are a few reused bits (including one shot that even includes the Mothra larva).  Gigan does what no other beast has done before: makes Godzilla bleed.  (He makes Anguirus bleed, too.)  If nothing else, it establishes Gigan as a dangerous threat, one that can hurt Big G.  (And he makes bits of Godzilla's suit go flying off.)
Odd thing, though.  At no point does he use his laser eye blast.  This, despite a shot where a flash bulb above his eye goes off.  Did they decide not to animate it for some reason? 

Except for getting slammed by Godzilla three times (or once, over and over), Ghidorah doesn't put in much of an appearance.  Most of his action is from earlier films and half the time, he's just loitering in the background while Gigan slices up the good guys.  (Maybe KG's suit was faring poorly, too?) 

In the end, the Scooby gang are victorious and they destroy the laser cannon in the Godzilla theme park building while the monsters get rid of their opponents.  Done and done. 

Godzilla vs. Gigan ... pretty goofy but fun.  3 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well  this one is about when cockroaches try to rule the world, but Godzilla and Anguirus fight King Ghidorah and Gigan and they wreck the place while they do so.  I don't like bugs so the roach people were really gross.  I like Gigan and his belly blade but Anguirus was stupid for running face first into it.  BLOOD SPLASH!!!!  And the talking monster scenes?  DUMB!!!!!

So, rating wise, i'll say 2.899 out of five Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!! 

You know, when the title card appears and it reads "Tsuburaya Productions," it's enough to inspire a little bit of hope, as Eiji Tsuburaya was the effects master behind most of Toho's great films. 

(sigh) 

There are bad movies.  There are movies that are goofy.  There are movies that combine both bad and goofy.  Daigoro is one such movie, but unlike other films on our list, there is nothing enjoyable or redeeming about its goofiness or badness.  At all. 

The basic story is this: a monster attacked Japan some years ago and was killed.  Its baby was found and then raised by some guy.  Feeding the child kaiju was growing expensive so there were fundraisers being held to help pay for it.  Then another monster attacked and the baby fought the bad guy monster and beat it.  Having won the hearts of Japan, the government decides to go ahead and feed the child kaiju after all. 

OK.  The story seems fine.  The execution is atrocious. 

Whereas in painful movies like Gamera vs. Zigra the children are insufferable and the adults are typically stupid, in this film, everyone is insufferable.  There's the drunk who tries to give up drinking so he can help feed Daigoro.  There's the inventor who has a five minute imaginary scene about magic red shoes.  ...  It's all so very painful. 

Usually in an otherwise painful movie, the monster scenes are a saving grace to some degree. 

 Not here.  Nope. 

The mother kaiju flashback is OK but brief ... though she has wind-blown hair straight out of a Herbal Essence commercial.  Daigoro himself looks like a giant hippo with accordion-folds for arms (and with the expected wonky musical accompaniment).  "Goliath" looks like an even fakier Baragon, minus the ears.  At the end, they take a page out of Gamera's book and launch it into space. 

Look.  I could spend several paragraphs more telling you what's wrong with this film and the crazy stuff in it, but, instead, I'll point out something at the bottom of the poster. 

You see that?  That's Daigoro in a giant (five-story tall, I'm guessing) toilet stall.  We see it at the beginning of the movie and I looked askance at it.  At the end, we see it again.  In use.  And Daigoro pulls the chain to flush it.  That should tell you something. 

Daigoro vs. Goliath ... If only I could flush the memory of this film away.  0 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, this movie was so horrible, it's not worth a full review. Check it out if you like to watch really really bad movies. So, rating wise i'll say 4.999999 out of 5 Atomic Farts of Foulness!! 

That's like 0.000001 out of 5 Atomic Breath Blasts of Awesomeness! 

Yeah, it's that bad.

Well this was a funny one, because in one moment, Godzilla and a robot named Jet Jaguar were surrounded by a ring of fire and Gigan's expression when they fly away was amazing and hilarious.



 anyways, this movie got a record for funnest moment in the first era but it has a shrill Ewok kid. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.9087 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

I feel like I've seen this one a hundred times, thanks to its use on Mystery Science Theater 3000.  It doesn't get better with repeated viewings, in case you're wondering. 

Keeping it simple, here's the plot: the undersea realm of Seatopia (see what they did there?) decides to unleash their beetle deity Megalon on mankind because they're pissed at all the nuclear testing.  An inventor has built a robot named Jet Jaguar and the Seatopians want to use it to control Megalon.  Jet is instead sent to Monster Island to retrieve Godzilla so he can fight off Megalon.  Oh, and Gigan shows up, too. 

Some may claim that this movie is aimed at kids, but my son's unnatural hatred for the screechy kid in this one would seem to be that theory's undoing.  It's goofy.  No question.  But there's enough of the "good" kind of goofy in it to prevent this film from falling into the same camp as the horrific Daigoro vs. Goliath. 

In reading up on it, I see that this movie was made in three weeks.  I can believe that.  There's hardly anyone in it at all.  Seriously, there's like six speaking roles.  In scenes where there should be people, someone said, "I guess everyone was evacuated." Yeah, I guess so. 

Megalon may have his name in the title, but he's not the "star" of this film.  Let's talk about Jet Jaguar.  He's in here thanks to a contest won by a kid who wanted a robot man in the films.  And thanks to the Ultraman craze of the era, boom goes the dynamite. 

There's a great deal of weirdness here.  Jet Jaguar's self-programmed ability to change sizes.  His communication with Godzilla (and G's obvious understanding).  Megalon's hoppity-hoppity means of locomotion.  Godzilla's entry to the fighting area wherein he pumps himself up like an OG WWF champ.  The "slice and dice" motions of both Gigan and Megalon (I said, "slice and dice," aloud when I saw this, not unlike the Mutants from The Dark Knight Returns and now my son says it in the same creepy way).  The red grenade goobers that Megalon spits.  The unintentionally hilarious mannerisms of Gigan when Jet flies G out of the ring of fire.   

And, of course, how can anyone forget this: 

Yeah.  You can't beat that. 

Because of the way it was distributed, this movie did very well in the US.  In fact, it aired on NBC.  In primetime.  I have vague memories of this, watching it with my dad.  What I don't remember, though, is John Belushi hosting the premiere ... while wearing a Godzilla suit not unlike this one: 

Godzilla vs. Megalon ... Maybe I'm nostalgic.  2.5 out of five atomic breath blasts.

There's only two Godzilla films left in the Shōwa period and both of them are enjoyable.  This one is loaded with action and takes us away from the child-centric mood of the previous handful. 

An ancient statue is uncovered, along with a prophecy.  Godzilla shows up and begins attacking cities and even his "friend," Anguirus.  But then another Godzilla shows up and they fight.   

Soon after, one of them sheds the disguise and we see the mecha for the first time in its shiny glory.  Godzilla alone can't beat it, and as the prophecy pieces fall into place, an ancient Okinawan kaiju named King Caesar is awakened and they defeat the bionic intruder. 

Tidbits: The faux reporter, when he's introduced, reminds me of Anton Chigurh, Javier Bardem's creepy character from No Country for Old Men.  ...  The aliens controlling MechaG are nothing more than damn dirty apes in disguise!  (And likely inspired by the Planet of the Apes series.)  ...  I won "Spot Serizawa" this time.  ...  Lots of monster blood again with a real gusher on Godzilla's throat, and Anguirus' jaw cracking may be an homage to the original King Kong.  ...  The musical score is jazzy and offbeat.  I like it, but I don't really think it fits this movie.  ...  Anguirus' burrowing smells of Baragon and the woman's King Caesar song reminds me of Mothra.  Turns out, I'm not far off.  Both Baragon and Mothra featured in early story concepts.  ...  What's up with Godzilla's lightning/magnetic powers?  That's nice, I guess, but it looked like he was using the Force for a good five minutes there. 

Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla ... Good action and fun returns.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

We had a MechaGodzilla marathon and watched this one and the next one. This one is about an old legend and Godzilla was a disguised alien robot that was stopped by Godzilla, and it also included a new Kaiju, King Caesar.  The gorilla aliens were creepy when they transformed but the battles were amazing!! 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.99999 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!! 

Well, this is part 2 of our MechaGodzilla Marathon, and it's the last of the first era of Godzilla and it's starring Titanosaurus, Cygirl, and The Humanity Hater. And the end was awesome! we thought that it was positioned exactly right when they were walking and everything was exploding in their path! But, Godzilla ripped the new Mecha's head off, but it didn't help. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.7 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!! 

This is the last film of the first era of Godzilla films ... and it's directed by Ishiro Honda with a hefty helping of Akira Ifukube's music. 

Basically, the aliens from the previous film are back (but they never revert to ape form) and they've repaired MechaGodzilla with the help of a human-hating scientist.  Yes, the scientist is himself human.  Oh, and he found a large "dinosaur" underwater which he aims to control to destroy mankind. 

The American version of the film includes a fairly pointless seven-minute prologue that tells us who Godzilla is.  Then, after a brief Titanosaurus attack, there's a full thirty-odd minutes of spy shenanigans and scientific wrangling.  It drags a bit, especially after the more cracking pace of the last movie. 

There's more spy stuff and quite a bit of time spent with the human-hating scientist -- who is played by Akihiko Hirata, aka Dr. Serizawa, who was in the last film as a different character.  And we learn a bit more about his daughter who turns out to be a fembot. 

Blah-blah-blah.  The fun kicks in about an hour and change into the film.  Yes.  It's a long haul to get to the excitement. 

The last twenty-odd minutes are nearly full with monster fighting.  There's some really good stuff in here, particularly when MechaG destroys the city: 

My favorite shot has him firing his Lee Press-On Nails of Death at a city block, causing the whole thing to rise and crash.  It's pretty spectacular.



Titanosaurus whips some wind up with his tail and cackles with glee at times.  MechaG has lasers a'blazin' and Godzilla himself fights the good fight.  Fun to watch. 

Honda gives us several shots from a low angle, showing the monsters towering over the camera with the actual blue sky (and clouds) overhead.  It's a rare shot in these early films that attempts to give some scale to the kaiju.  The quick movement of the actors, though, detracts from the effect. 

The music isn't the odd '40s swing music from the previous movie.  It's often an Ifukube recycle or something new and more orchestral.  More fitting but not as memorable. 

I'm sad to see this era of Godzilla come to an end ... but I dearly love the Heisei series. 

Terror of MechaGodzilla ... Good, but it lacks the fun and pacing of its predecessor.  3.5 out of five atomic breath blasts.

"Are there any monsters in it?" 

"No." 

"Then I don't think it should be on our list."

Knowing the year of this film's release, coupled with the title, I thought I could guess how it would go.  Truly, though, the only thing it has in common with Star Wars is that it, too, came out in 1977. 

So-called "Roman" aliens invade the Earth, forcing the military to rush an advanced battleship-airship-spaceship (with a giant drill on the front) to be finished up. 

Yes.  Replace aliens with the Mu Empire and much of the movie feels like a retread of Atragon.  Why they felt the need to stick so close to the distinctive design of that earlier film is beyond me.  It's distracting and unnecessary ... unless we're supposed to think the films are connected.  I don't believe so, though. 

The special effects are nothing to write home about.  The alien vessels feel more toy-like than usual and the montagey assaults on world cities don't do anything to increase the tension or tragedy of what we're (supposed to be) seeing. 

And the score ... oof.  Whereas John Williams'Star Wars score is timeless and orchestral, War in Space's score feels straight outta the late '70s.  It's painful. 

Other than redoing so much of Atragon, what other missteps were made?  Well, there's "Commander Hell," the Roman emperor-like alien leader of the galaxy (according to him, anyway).  The American fighter pilot known only as Jimmy.  The revolver-like means of launching shuttles.  Oh, and there's this guy: 

Some sort of horned Wookiee-beast holding the female lead captive.  (To be fair, this was several years before "Slave Leia" entered our collective nerd lexicons.) 

I nearly forgot.  The movie ends when our heroes blow up the planet Venus. 

Yeah. 

The War in Space ... maybe it's for the best that James sat this one out.  1 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Oddly named aliens throw glowing walnuts into space to find heroes who will fight against their kabuki samurai overlords. 

An oversimplification, but that's how it starts. 

From there, it stays rather goofy.  Sailing ships flying in space.  (Man, the Japanese like that image, don't they?)  Drag racing spaceship pilots.  The "Space Patrol," complete with a trooper wearing a motorcycle helmet straight outta CHiPs.  Annoying princess.  Vic Morrow as a booze-swilling general.  Guys in suits as "robots." Space night club!  Chasing fireflies during a horribly composited spacewalk.  A subplot about a witch trying to marry her ugly son to the empress. 

Other than that, it's not so much goofy as just plain boring. 

Look.  I'll get to the point.  The model work and visual effects are top notch as far as these films have gone so far.  (I read later that this was the most expensive Japanese film produced up to this point.  I can believe it.)  It feels more epic and grand than many other tokusatsu films.  Unfortunately, it's burdened by ill-conceived humor, over-the-top acting, a lack of cultural imagination*, and an expected but ultimately misguided attempt to copy Star Wars.

The music is better than War in Space ... but the walnut cue sounds suspiciously like Princess Leia's theme from THAT OTHER MOVIE.  I mean, really.  HERE is Leia's theme.  HERE is part of the walnut theme.  C'mon.  Elsewhere, the score feels like a direct lift from John Williams' efforts (especially at the beginning of the attack post-firefly chase). 

Bad guy ship flyover?  Yes, it's lengthy, making the vessel feel very large.  Well, it would if the rest of the scene were better assembled and structured.  (Not everyone is ILM.) 

* - What did I mean by "lack of cultural imagination?" In Star Wars, there wasn't an identifiable Earth culture, especially not among the aliens.  Here, though, despite being who-knows-how-far into the future, the bad guy aliens are evil samurai with kabuki theater makeup.  The good guys speak in '70s slang and wear clothes similar to the youth of that decade.  There's a disco feel in the night club and in a party scene.  It's just so dated.  Elements are so easily pinpointed.  That's not the case with (most of) Star Wars and other successful films like it.  ...  All of that said, it's entirely possible that my own perspective is skewed since I'm not of the origin culture myself. 

These sins could be forgiven if the movie was exciting and enjoyable.  Yes, there are some entertaining scenes ... but on the whole, it drags.  Hard. 

Message from Space ... in copying Star Wars, it forgot to be interesting or good.  2 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, this was a bad movie with horrible effects, but, it's about power rangers and a collage of Gamera movies.  If you're a fan you've seen all the movies before so even the fights were boring. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 0.6 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

I read up on the film's production before writing this.  The studio, Daiei, was in serious financial straits and their buyer cranked out this movie in hopes of recouping on their investment.  No dice.  Super Monster was a flop. 

Deservedly so. 

Look, I have an affection for Shōwa era Gamera, but that stems primarily from the films' inclusion on Mystery Science Theater 3000, on which the movies were lambasted with zeal.  Some of them are fun, but more often than not, the Gamera films have been goofy at their best and annoying at their worst. 

Recounting the old Gamera movies is apropos here since more than a third of the movie is recycled footage from the other films.  An alien invader throws monster after monster at Earth only to have Gamera destroy them.  That's what we're told, anyway, as we watch the turtle fight the same kaiju all over again in supposedly new battles. 

That's an upside, I guess.  If you want a taste of the Gamera movies and don't want to watch them all, you can just watch this one.  It's a clip show.  And it gives you a taste of what the series was like even outside of the monsters. 

There's an often-annoying kid with a predilection for turtles.  There's goofiness.  There's a poorly conceived and executed alien threat. 

Something new, though.  Aliens who aren't evil.  The "Spacewomen." They do their little Ultraman/Power Ranger/Wonder Woman schtick and then they transform ... into their space clothes.  It's not great but it's not bad, either.  (Not the transformation; the concept.) 

Regarding the new stuff, what's bad?:

• The special effects.  Remember how local commercials used to look in the '80s on your cable channels?  That's how everything looks here.  Scan lines, fuzziness, that indefinable "video tape" quality.  Sure, the previous Gamera films were nothing to write home about, but this ... this is just crap.
• The music.  Oddly, the Spacewomen use it all the time and our kid "hero" plays the organ all the damn time, too.  His momma wants to hit him for it.  I wish she would.  And he writes a new "Gamera march" that takes over for the beloved Gamera theme of films past.  But I love turtle meat ...
• Star Wars.  Look at that poster.  The alien ship is a straight-up copy of the Star Destroyer.
• Gamera.  Yes, there is some new Gamera footage in the movie, but just a couple of minutes worth.  It all has that horrible videotape sheen to it, but the puppet or suit they use is even worse.

Gamera: Super Monster ... at least the fantastic Heisei series is still to come.  1.5 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Now we're talking. 

I'm an unabashed fan of the Hesei series, even though this one, technically, is in the Shōwa era.  I'm a sucker for continuity, so having these movies all be connected is just gold for me. 

Some people say that they're dark for darkness' sake or that there's no fun to them.  I disagree. 

For years, the Godzilla series left the serious origin of its titular beast behind and many of the first era's films were directed at kids or were, at the very least, embracing of their goofiness.  That's fine.  Frequently, it made for a good time (Destroy All Monsters, for example).  But there was still the origin of the monster.  That hadn't been tapped into for decades. 

Fast forward to the 1980s.  The Soviet Union invades Afghanistan and the US moves more nuclear missiles into Europe.  The Doomsday Clock is closer to midnight than at any time since 1953 when the superpowers tested their thermonuclear weapons within months of each other (hmmm, and that's the year before the first movie came out).  The serious times led to serious elements in pop culture.  Japan wasn't isolated from this.  Yes, Return of Godzilla is dark, but it's dark for a reason and, above all, it works. 

Some people dislike it because it acknowledges the first movie but ignores the dozen that followed it.  I get that, but to strike this tone, they just about had to.   

All of that aside, there are many things to love about the movie.  The suit, for one.  Godzilla looks good and mean for most of the film.  Good building stomping action (though some of the models aren't as well done as others).  Mankind's fight against him with maser cannons, missiles and more.  (My favorite shot comes when Godzilla rises from the water and wipes out the military on the docks in one sweeping blast of his breath.)  I love that Godzilla now consumes nuclear reactor energy; it just works with the character.  And how can I forget Ron Burgundy, sub captain? 

For once, the talkie bits in the first hour that normally bore folks didn't do so this time.  I think a big part of it comes from the real-world connection.  The acting is good, too.  (Although the American ambassador's enunciation strikes me as odd.  Perhaps that's part of acting in a foreign movie that needs dubbing.)  The Soviets and Americans do seem rather eager to bomb Japan, though. 

Interesting trivia note: the scene wherein the Soviet colonel tries valiantly to stop the missile launch was excised from the American release, Godzilla 1985.  Couldn't show the bad guys being heroic, could we? 

What doesn't work?  Well, the music is pretty good, but it lacks the punch of Akira Ifukube's classic themes.  Super X-1 ... I like it and it's cool, but the reason why they were making it before Godzilla came seems rather specious to me.  Also, the huge foot used in a couple of shots has some odd, flat angles.  Then, of course, there's the infamous "cybot": 

Impressive, to say the least, but it didn't match the suit and its motions just aren't terribly fluid.  I'll say this: it's better than the Godzilla hand puppets used in Gojira and Godzilla Raids Again.  The good news is that the effects only get better as the Heisei series carries on. 

I saw the American version in theaters way back in 1985.  I don't remember too much of the Raymond Burr parts ... just the awesome stomping. 

For my son, the first time we watched it, he cried at this part: 

I understand.

The Return of Godzilla ... he's back.  4.25 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, this one is starring, Godzilla, Mutant crab monster that fly around for some reason, Super-X, and all the Tokyo Civilians. It's good but it's a typical Godzilla movie. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.5 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!! 

Well this one is a mixture of Baragon and Daimajin. The story is that a guy made a model of a god and he gave it to her daughter and her blood made it alive and the monster eats iron. And every few minutes, a person gets "taken" by the bad guys and they bring out Pulgasari.  Some of the effects were good but it reminded me too much of Daimajin.  

So, rating wise, i'll say 2.16 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

The story behind this film is worthy of a film itself. 

In 1978, South Korean director Shin Sang-ok and his actress ex-wife were kidnapped by future North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il.  Kim, as has been reported and parodied, was a huge cinephile, even going so far as to write a thick book on movies.  He put Shin to work making fantasy movies couched with propaganda.  One of these is Pulgasari.  When it was nearly finished, Shin and his wife (Kim forced them to remarry) managed to escape to a US embassy in Austria while there for a film festival.  Another director had to finish the movie. 

Kim was a fan of Godzilla films and wanted one for North Korea, and a hero monster, at that.  To aid in this movie's creation, Kim imported special effects workers from Japan's Toho Studios, including the Heisei era's man-in-suit himself, Ken Satsuma.  (I wonder if Kim tried to hang onto those guys, too?) 

I read all of this before we watched the movie and the results of this bizarre backstory surprised me. 

I liked it. 

The quality of the film (the look of it) feels much older than 1985.  This is only helped by the cramped nature of the sets juxtaposed against some rather impressive scenes on location.
In feudal Korea, a tyrannical king rules peasants cruelly and through his various governors.  A gang of bandits has organized against the regime and the governor tasks a blacksmith to make weapons for the army using metal from the people's confiscated pots, pans and farming implements.  The blacksmith returns the people's items and is found out.  Imprisoned without food and near death, the smith's children manage to throw rice into his cell.  So near death's door, the blacksmith decides to mold the rice into a small figure of Pulgasari, a Korean legend, and prays for revenge.  After the man dies, his daughter has the figure and a drop of her blood brings it to life. 

(Let me just say that this smith must have been an amazing artisan, because the Pulgasari figure he made with rice is remarkably detailed.) 

The tale of oppression; the ancient mood; the inanimate figure being prayed to, only to later come alive for righteous revenge ... it reminds me of the great Daimajin series.  With a few changes, this could easily be a part of it. 

I was worried at first as Pulgasari started life as a cutesy thing the size of the rice figurine.  But then it began to eat metal and it grew.  The goofy music faded away and the rebels took Pulgasari as their figurehead and they marched against the armies of the governor.  After each victory, the rebels gave the beast their enemies' swords to eat.  Soon it was several stories tall.
There are some pretty cool scenes in this film.  One has the bad guys capturing Pulgasari and then setting it ablaze.  That only makes the metal eater red hot and angry.  When it jumps into a river to cool himself off, it boils the water and kills dozens of bad guys.  Another sees the king's ministers creating cannons and rockets to fire at the monster.  They are ineffective, of course, but the scenes are entertaining.  I've read that the North Korean army was used as extras.  Seeing hundreds, if not thousands, of people running into battle certainly helped make the movie feel more epic. 

The work of Toho's people is very evident.  The suit is very well constructed and look at the poster above.  It looks quite a bit like Godzilla.  The model work is very good, too: 

Look at that.  Every tile on that roof is a separate piece and there are even bigger and more elaborate ones than that in the movie.  (Some rear projection stuff fails miserably, but it's not used too much.) 

If I have a problem with the movie, it's the ending.  I won't go into too much detail, but the king has been killed and the people are able to live freely for a change.  Unfortunately, they can't keep feeding Pulgasari, so the blacksmith's daughter finds a way to get rid of him.  The giant ends up turning into stone and then breaking apart.  I don't know if that's how the legend goes or what, but it's weak. 

My son and I came up with a better ending: Pulgasari turns back into rice, and since he's so big now, that's enough to feed the starving people for a very long time.  Plus, in the middle of the rice would be the iron it ate so they can rebuild their lives.  That would work very well. 

Here's something else.  Kim Jong-il wanted this to be a propaganda film that shows the power of the people.  Well, I can see that, but to me, it seems like an effective treatise against the North Norean dictatorship itself.  An oppressive regime that wages war on its own citizens and keeps them starving while the leader lives in luxury ... that's North Korea today.  Maybe Kim had some cognitive dissonance going on, but it was inescapable to my mind.  Of course, the Kims have built up such a mind-numbing cult of personality around themselves, I doubt the people of North Korea would ever be able to make the connection on their own. 

Pulgasari ... a fascinating story and good flick, too.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, this one is about ESP and Godzilla cells combining with plant cells and Anti Nuclear Energy Bacteria, (A.N.E.B for short) and happy music at the wrong time. 

Like, the Pee Wee Herman theme song while they're battling. While they were fighting Godzilla, they used drill missiles, one hit his chest, and another in his mouth! 

So, Rating wise, i'll say 3.9 out of 5 Atomic Breaths Of Awesomeness!!

The last time Toho created a character for a Godzilla film based on fan input, we got Jet Jaguar.  Thankfully, this time around, the results are better. 

It's been five years since the relaunch of the character and he's back, looking good, and facing a larger opponent than usual.  Biollante is also quite original.  A synthesis of plant cells, human cells and cells of Godzilla himself, Biollante has an unusual connection to the King and also to the human protagonist who lost his daughter several years before. 

Much of the film works well.  Godzilla's stomping through Osaka, giving the military the run around, is fun.  Biollante is properly frightening and its sequences with Godzilla are well done.  My favorite part, though, is this scene: 

In this scene with psychic children, we also get further acquainted with Miki Saegusa, who will feature in the rest of the Heisei series. 

Also in this scene, a rousing rendition of one of Akira Ifukube's greatest musical Godzilla creations.  In fact, we get several good hits of Ifukube throughout the film.  Unfortunately, the rest of the score is not so great.  The greatest offender is called "Countdown" on the soundtrack.  (Listen to the pertinent section HERE.)  My son astutely realized it sounds a great deal like the backbeat of Danny Elfman's Pee-wee's Big Adventure score and began singing the, "Da, da, da, da, da-ta-ta-da-duh," part.  You'll recognize it when you hear it. 

What else doesn't work?  The excessive espionage.  Apparently, while knocking down buildings in Tokyo five years prior, Big G cut himself on lots of stuff, and there's a kind of arms race underfoot to get his leftover cells.  Biotech company versus biotech company rules much of the first half of the film as English-speaking actors poorly work their way through scenes before hitman Fisher Stevens shows up, and telling some dead men, "Kiss you, guys." Maybe he meant something more lewd. 

Speaking of dubbing, there are a couple of moments where English speakers are heard on the Japanese track and the results are hilarious.  At the beginning when the pseudo-Arabic biotech center is attacked, as scientists stream out of the facility, one woman can be heard to scream, "Hysteria!" Later on, as some of the biotech thieves raid the scientist's crib, one guy says, I believe, "Lethal weapon!" Just strange. 

There's a reliance on newfangled computer effects, too: 

Also not so good: the last battle.  As terrifying as the monster looks, its battle with Godzilla is too brief and it's limited to mostly vines with Audrey IIs on the ends and some Reptilicus-style spit.  Biollante gets Godzilla in its mouth briefly, but a quick breath blast frees him.  And that's it.  Biollante disintegrates and drifts into the clouds (with an annoyingly saccharine visage of the scientist's dead daughter amidst the spores). 

It sounds like I'm dwelling on the negative and I am.  That's mostly because everything else works just fine. 

Godzilla vs. Biollante ... very original for a thirty-five year old franchise.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Time for some timey-wimey. 

For the first time, we get to see Godzilla's origins.  A dinosaur, somehow still alive on a Pacific island, mutated by nuclear testing.  The whole plot is about preventing this from happening, but by the end, Godzilla was instead created thanks to a nuclear submarine accident in the '70s.  The good news is, Godzilla got even more power and got even bigger thanks to a second submarine sent after him in 1992. 

Details, details, details. 

Time travelers from 2204 come to the present to get Japan to stop Godzilla.  They say it's because Godzilla destroys Japan.  It's a plot, of course, to stop Japan from becoming the world's most powerful nation.   

Oddities:

• So the writer guy doesn't want to write about "nonsense" like the legit UFO that just appeared ... but he does want to write about the crazy old man who rants about seeing dinosaurs?
• Apparently, pronouncing the word "nucular" is still happening in the 23rd century.
• M11, the android.  Were the writers watching Aliens?  Star Trek: TNG?  Terminator?  Definitely Terminator.  And why hire a guy who looks like dour Dave Coulier?
  
• The Dorats usefulness?  "They can cheer us up" if we get lost.
• The dumber-than-dumb shoutout to Steven Spielberg.
• The contempt that the ginger Futurian seems to show when the Japanese Futurian is told about the plans to destroy Japan.  "It seems you've lost your vision, just because your country's being crushed?" Well, yeah.
• Speaking of the Japanese Futurian, for someone who was supposedly unaware of the big plan, she still let the Dorats out in the past ... and she knew an awful lot about the big plan, too.
• The fast and loose rules of nuclear mutation: blow up something nuclear next to something alive and it'll turn into a monster.  Hell, have three creepy-cute things?  Maybe they'll merge into one big three-headed monster.
• Another scientific one: time paradoxes don't seem to apply here.  Even though this Godzilla was erased from history, everyone seems to still remember him.
• One liners: "Take that, you dinosaur." "I'm spinning!" "I'm the Peter Arnett of Japan!"

All of that aside, I love so much about this movie:

• The Ghidorah suit is downright badass.  
• I love the head jerk and twitch Godzilla does just before he shoots his breath (that seems like a semi-new thing to me).  
• For some reason, I love that Godzilla fell when his foot plowed through the street and down into a subway station.
• The models and their destruction were very well done.  
• The Gozillasaurus scene is very enjoyable (and apparently controversial since it shows Americans as the bad guys).
• The Futurians' ship is cool and unique.  
• And Akira Ifukube is back to do the music ... just fantastic.  

In my research, I found out that the producers had wanted to use all-new monsters for Big G to fight, beginning with Biollante.  When that movie didn't do so well, they went with what worked.  This film was a hit.  As nice as it would be to have seen some new kaiju, I'm plenty happy with what we got. 

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah ... and somehow I didn't mention the awesomeness of Mecha-King Ghidorah.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

This one is about when 23rd century guys came and (did not want to do what they did) made a more stronger and meaner Godzilla and made Mecha-King Ghidora to stop Godzilla, but did it work? NO!! Of course not! Godzilla is too awesome and powerful to be beaten!  They should have called this movie Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: Time War. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.1 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!

Well, this one started as Indiana Jones in Japan and ended in Godzilla. The new guy, Battra, is the dark side of mothra. It's action packed and good, so yeah. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.7 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

In Japan, this movie is the biggest earner in the franchise's history. 

I get it.  Mothra is huge and this movie even introduces a bad guy Mothra.  Plus, it's action packed.  Oh, and it's good. 

There's some not-so-good stuff, too.  For one thing, the lead male character is presented to us like some sort of Indiana Jones knockoff, complete with ancient temple raiding, golden idol taking, distinctive hat wearing and rope bridge falling. 

The dialogue has real clunkers and headscratchers, too.  Some are pretty funny, though.  Unintentionally, I'm sure: 

These are minor complaints, to be certain. 

The dubbing is a bigger complaint.  Unfortunately, they use the same actors over and over again.  Somehow, they've made some particularly annoying choices when it comes to the Cosmos and the little girl in this movie: 

And what's good?  Almost everything else. 

Right off the top, I'll mention that the great Akira Ifukube is back and his score is staggeringly awesome.  Perhaps the most rousing version of Godzilla's march is heard here.  And there are new variations on older themes for Mothra and the classic military marches. 

The special effects are also damned good.  The battle in the sea between the navy, the larvae and Godzilla is very nice, complete with well done undersea action between Big G and Battra.  Battra and Mothra both raiding cities.  Godzilla's triumphant emergence from a volcanic vent.  But I was most impressed with the battle in Yokohama Bay: 

The set is huge and the models are well done.  It's exciting stuff. 

Also, for a change, some of the human side of things are handled better than usual.  The dynamic between the the two leads is unique because they are divorced, so they snip at each other much of the time.  If nothing else, it's a change of pace.  Otherwise, things are pretty standard.  Suits in a control center, watching the goings on with varying degrees of horror and awe.  Greedy industrialists ready to damn the world to line their pockets.  Not unfamiliar territory for Godzilla fans. 

My only remaining question about the film isn't answered by any followups: what was the deal with the asteroid Mothra left Earth to stop?  It was supposed to hit in 1999 ... was this just a way to get Mothra out of the picture for the foreseeable future? 

Godzilla vs. Mothra ... the hits just keep coming.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

It's another solid, action-packed entry for the Heisei era.  But it definitely could have gone a different way. 

Rodan (aka Radon) is re-introduced here and he gets to take on Godzilla ... and basically wins.  We also get to see the new Mechagodzilla.  While powerful, the design of this suit isn't a real favorite of mine.  I do, however, like the armament and the throwback rainbow colorations of its beams.  The other new character?  Baby Godzilla.  Baby Godzilla is cute, but not insufferable, as Minya used to be: 

He's used rather sparingly after an egg mix-up and some dubious scientific guesswork.  (A vegetarian Godzillasaur?  Really?) 

The people in the film, as per usual, are what trips things up.  The lead character is a goofball fan of pterosaurs (which are not dinosaurs, by the way) who, somehow, finds himself involved with the Mechagodzilla project.  This is another one of those occasions where I'm not certain if the characters really are this dumb or if the translation/dubbing I've got just makes them seem that way. 

On to the action. 

Beyond Mechagodzilla, G-Force has some new hardware, including MechaG's backpack, Garuda, and some pretty sweet maser planes.  Godzilla blows stuff up real good: 

And thanks to Big G's breath, Rodan now has some atomic expectoration of his own, making him Fire Rodan: 

The battle goes on for quite a while, with Rodan being nearly killed by MechaG.  But, like the nuclear sub accident in Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, the big man gets an upgrade.  Rodan flings himself upon Godzilla's prone body and his "life force" revives him and gives him red atomic super breath, called "spiral ray" in fan circles.  It's powerful stuff and takes down the machine in short order. 

Musically speaking, Akira Ifukube is back and he gives us more great variations on his marches.  I'm a bit surprised that he used some old Ghidorah themes for Rodan, but whatever.  It sounds great. 

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II ... the franchise is on a roll.  4 out of five atomic breath blasts.

Well, this one is important because at the end, Fire Rodan revives Godzilla and gives Godzilla the Red Fire Powers which is his nuke breath, but it's red and it can zig-zag like lightning.  And we get a new Godzilla hatchling that was supposed to be a Rodan egg. 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.12 out of five Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!

Well, this one has Godzilla, Mini Godzilla, Mogera, and Biollante. So, the story about Space Godzilla is Biollante's DNA went into a black hole in space, came out of the white hole (whatever that is) and got mutated in the process, you make Space Godzilla. 

So, the story is: sees and explains Space Godzilla and then uses Mogera to stop it and fails, meanwhile, two gravity guys come and try to ether kill or control Godzilla, one of the Helper are villains and try to control Godzilla again and they fail, space Godzilla make crystal fortress, Mogera and godzilla destroy both Fortress and Space Godzilla, Boom and credits 

So, rating wise, i'll say 3.5 out of 6 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!

Simply put, something about this movie just feels ... off.  Especially when compared to the Hesei films that have preceded it. 

In one of the most far-fetched origins for a Godzilla villain (yeah, I know; the whole franchise is "far fetched"), we learn that some of Biollante's remains went into space, got sucked into a black hole, expelled from a "white hole," and ... something-something ... Spacegodzilla. 

What works?  Most of the action.  And Spacegodzilla (mostly) seems very formidable. 

What else?  Well, remember this guy from The Mysterians?: 

He got a revamp and works for G-Force now: 

That's MOGUERA, alright, now with an impossibly stupid acronym for his name (Mobile Operation Godzilla Universal Expert Robot Aero-type). 

Baby Godzilla got a revamp as well.  Not a good one.  Apparently, the special effects director of this film didn't like the dinosaurian appearance of Junior in the previous film and decided to cute-ify him: 

Ugh.  Thankfully, beyond a seemingly interminable scene on the beach when he trips a bunch of gas mines, Junior's barely in it.  (I found it strange that Godzilla didn't try to free Junior from his crystalline cage.) 

Recurring telepath Miki Saegusa gets loads more to do, but she's one of the few bright spots among the humans.  Other than her, there's a generally useless bureaucrat, a scumbag professor (more on him in a mo), a couple of loser G-Force guys, and a revenge-seeking soldier whose rage seems to ebb and flow with the tides. 

The aforementioned scumbag prof sells out Miki to the Yakuza.  I'm not kidding.  It's a ridiculous diversion in a film that could have easily used some trimming when it comes to the human side of things. 

Also not swell?  The space battle between Spacegodzilla in his Kryptonian starship mode and MOGUERA.  It felt so very cheap.  (While I'm talking about SpaceG, let me say: his powers are cool, but you can tell how cumbersome the suit is by the extraordinary lack of movement he employs.  Once he takes over Fukuoka and erects his crystals, he barely shuffles two meters.) 

I nearly forgot.  Woefully forgettable music.  We get a brief Akira Ifukube reprise of the Godzilla theme and beyond that ... I couldn't tell you.  Oh, near the beginning when the G-Force guys get near the island, the soothing cues reminded me of the same kind of cues from the Bond film You Only Live Twice.  (Listen to it HERE and HERE.) 

Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla ... they can't all be great.  3.25 out of five atomic breath blasts.